Confusion

Seldom once and a while, I tell people I tell those
Who are willing to listen ,"You know I'm not much of a smoker"
I go to parties and mingle and tell those who can see me or feel me
"I'm not big on drinking"
There are those who are absent in presence but present with thinking.

I keep thinking someway somehow you're going to come through
Look at me in the eyes for once and sincerely say "I love You"
I'm confused didn't sleep well last night now I'm wondering am I
Putting up a pointless triumphant fight.

It gets pretty cold in Chicago during September but when your
Heart is set ablaze you care less about a temperature.
So I set in the olden wooden chair
Staring out into the dull moonlight.
Newports seem to cause a wonderful fascination but temporary does not
Decrease the devastation nor does it put a youngish soul like me to sleep.
Sitting on the back porch questioning someone
Who's probably already asleep
Not alone. Of course not. Foolish kings surround their selves with dozens of untrusting wives instead of that one strong Queen who during the down times
Backbones you on everything
Now I ask myself ... What do I have without you.
Can I walk away gracefully with my head held high
Smiling saying to myself " Damn I learned a lot from this guy"
Or do I stay knowing deep down inside
Its impossible for this man to feel the same way.
Drowning myself in heartaches and smuthering myself even deeper in pain.



Once in a while i tell those who are listening that "I'm no smoker"
Tell those who care much of my presence "I'm not big on drinking" either
But here I am 20 years-old befriended by a pack of Newports that I retrieve from the bottom of my old high school backpack . Rocking back and forwards inhaling cancerous vitamins while staring at the moon. I keep waiting for you to stare at my eyes and sincerely say I love you cant live without you... you know the normal shit that makes a person's heartbeat skip a beat.

But instead I sit here staring at the moon
Smoking this newport.
Hell who knows maybe I'll take a stroll in my night gown in visit Jack Daniels
"I'm not big on drinking"
There are those who are absent in presence but present with thinking.

ET Phone Home

I don't belong here, my thoughts rumble like an estranged homeless
Man threw the trash can in your backyard.
He doesn't belong. slipped on a rock landed on his head
Woke up everything was all wrong.
That's How this is
That's how it seems
It's like rewinding an A-track
Or a fellow homo-sapien
figuring out surprisingly that they have low self-esteem.
Help me venture
Just venting out into the sea
I lost track of my accomplishments
Started on one but landed on three
Just as lucky as can fucking be..right?
It's like going out to a bar for the first time
And get caught up into some fucked up deathrow fight..
Can we say E2?
Where's ET and his damn bicycle when I need him
ET phone Home.
ET take me .
I can ride on the back or you can carry me.
I don't belong here.
How many times can I say that?
My mind is unknown of thoughts are unheard of , my experiences are secretly
Envisioned by human beings but never do they have balls to do such things
That I've done .
Speak of shit I've spoken on
I've giving up on.
Don't be rhetorical but instead be skeptical I do not show any ownership
Of pity nor pain
Use your brain
The very words I'm bleeding out into your immortal cranium is that I am from a whole new millennium and I see normal and reality but can't relate to any of them.
ET phone home
ET take me .
It seems as if perhaps according to not genetics studies
But soulfully and there's possibilities
That I am of God
And You are of Me.

So take me
I do not belong

The Ice Wall

“So much money for something that’s going to get trashed at around 7 p.m. tonight,” Ms. Jozey a security guard said, shaking her head in disbelief, while referring to the “Ice Wall”, 12 feet high and 95 feet long, in the Chicago Millennium Park.
Friday marked the last day of the exhibit of artist Gordon Halloran’s “Paintings Below Zero, ”created by freezing water into different shapes and adding abstract coloring to create a thick wall of what many people called “beauty.” Halloran and his crew worked from February to December to build the project.
Halloran states that if nothing else , he wants people to walk away remembering his work.
Halloran, known for his work with ice, creates ice paintings using technology to keep his paintings cold. Besides the Ice Wall , he was also responsible for designs on the ice skating rink in Millennium Park that consist of a mixture of what co-worker and artist Chad said “ a dazzling usage of equality of color.” Also in his past the artist has worked on creations around the world.
More than 25,000 people visited Millennium Park. Some we’re tourist others we’re Chicagoans just enjoying a nice stroll through the downtown area of the city. Tamara from Minnesota said, “Well, I heard it looks pretty nice when it’s lit up at night, but I’m not impressed.”
While Ashok a tourist he said “ That it’s beautiful” and that he had never sent anything like it in his life.
As People walked around the ice wall, some had a look of excitement on their faces, while some looked a bit confused. Halloran said he does enjoy the look of confusion “ I want people to be curious , Just the look on their faces makes it all worth while.”
Rochelle Backstrom looked closely at the ice wall examined the color carefully gave a silent nod and said, “ Well, it’s unique, I can say that.” Later, said she didn’t see what the overall awe and excitement was about and that it seemed like the workers have to go through a lot to keep it up.
The artists continued to use blow torches, which helped to enhance the coloring of the ice sculpture but while it brought the color out it also made the exhibit melt faster.
“ Back up , back up …we don’t want anyone to lose an eye!” they said, while using the torches At seven o’clock that night what was said to have cost a lot of money and time, would be destroyed in less than 30 minutes.
While Daley and Halloran both said that the project is all about excitement for the people. Many people said Friday, the project was unique, but the city could’ve saved the time and money.
However, Halloran stands behind his work and said even though it is just an ice sculpture, the feedback people give makes it real “it’s not frozen , it’s alive.”

Saving Lives

The Conaway Center appeared half empty and cold , it was after 6:30 p.m. and not nearly as many people had arrived as the “Endless Eye Crew”, had expected . At the Columbia College 1104 building a red haired guy with ripped jeans walked up to the microphone and in a whisper said, “Testing, testing 1...2.…” Before he could finished , the drum player banged on his drums, and out of nowhere more people begin to arrive. Enjoying a new rock sound from the Chicago band Don Russian, but the new arrivals didn’t seemed to know that this night wouldn‘t be about just their sound but another sound that comes all the way from a region of Africa known as “Sudan.”
After Don Russian played for about 15 minutes, another guy by the name of Jeremiah, approached the microphone wearing a shirt with the continent Africa colored in with black , and a heart in the middle of the continent, and across the shirt the words in bold letters “Walk for Sudan.” He announced that in a few minutes or so , he would skype Machien , and get him on webcam so he could see and talk to everyone and anybody who wanted to talk to him could do the same.
Everyone looked confused for a while until Jeremiah went on to explain who exactly this Machien guy was. Justin Machien is a big guy with a small dream that can make a change for his homeland, Sudan. He was one of the lost boys, he walked to Kenya from Sudan with 27,000 other young men of but came to America at the age of 17 from a refugee camp, and it was in America where he got his education. Now Machien is almost ten years older and just wants to pass the gift of education back home to Sudan where over 4.5 million people remain homeless from the civil war that ended in 1983.Machien wants to help them to keep their hope but it’s beginning to get harder every day that a life is lost. Machien’s solution is simple he wants to build a library because he believes education is the key to living.
At about 7 p.m. after taking awhile, the endless crew had set it up and in seconds on the big screen appeared the talk of the night, “ Machien” he was wearing a bright smile but just as well as everyone could see him, Machien could see most of everything that was going on in the Wabash Center, and as quickly as his smile appeared it had faded.
With a tough accent ,but clearly understandable, He asks the crew how many people were attending the Columbia event. One of the guys by the name of Josh, looked into the webcam as if he was looking right into Machien’s eyes trying to lighten the mood replied, by not really answering Machien’s question. He gave a heart warming smile and said “More than earlier.”
But anyone , who was actually there could assume that if “this”, was more than earlier than earlier must’ve been a number that you could count of a few fingers.
Machien explained for the thirty minutes that he was on the big screen , that he was in North Dakota, and had honestly been in America for a while. “We just want to go back home.” He said referring him and the other lost Sudan boys who‘s also working on the project. “ But we can’t go home empty handed.” He continued explaining that even a little bit would help the Sudan people because for him to see his own people suffer is “hurtful.”
Even though there was barely any people at the event some got on the webcam to ask him a few questions, one man asked him what came across as an offensive question: “ Who brought you here?” Machien looked into the camera and laughed sarcastically. He threw the question back at the person replying by saying. “ No one brought me here.”
After that the rest of the night remained quiet no one asked any questions except for the Endless Eye Crew, which is the crew who was promoting the event, so they really didn’t need to ask questions. One person wanted to know what the literacy rate was in Sudan. Machien’s answer shocked everyone , he said that the literacy rate was either “1% or less.”
“ Sudan, is a nice community , it’s just that people aren’t building it back together the right way , because they haven’t got the knowledge to do so, how can you when you’re suffering from cultural struck?” Machien said. He said people are homeless and dying because they can’t do the stuff that Americans do daily, for example: eat regularly and bath regularly, go to the doctor when needed. They don’t even have the proper toiletries.
Machien ended his last words with the phrase, “Knowledge is at need,” right before one of the crew members said that they would call him back on the screen when more people arrived. Sadly , not many more people arrived until the band began to rock the stage again. The crowd appeared to be larger for the sound of the band but not for Machiene‘s theory for saving possibly hundreds of lives . Have we learned to tune out sounds that we don’t like to hear? If a library is all that is being asked for , why is it so hard to give especially if it’s going to save over hundreds of lives?

Happiness

You made love to me today
I escaped into you mesmerize by our altitude
we are above sea level higher than anything on this earth
I love you so intensely that your light combined with my light
Creates a vision to the normal human being eye which evolves into a sensation that hurts
You lift me higher
So much higher
Than you could ever imagine My soul has a passion and feeds off of yours' without your
Existence truly my life just wouldn't work , and just couldn't be.
Let's consume reality
Instead of going around let's follow our hearts
Say to our minds
"You can sit out on this part"
Because this is a job
This is an encounter of soul relevancy and an emotional empowerment therefore
Our hearts need to battle it
You lift me higher
So much higher
Than you could ever imagine.
Is this safe
Is this feeling okay
You made love to me today and it was just as good as yesterday
Everyday
Every way
You touch me .
You embrace my soul
and make me want so much more
Is this safe
Can I feel this way

Is happiness okay?

K.O

Catch me , I had it once I swear I did
One two combination then a jap to the
Chin.
K.O.
I had it .
Intertwined around my spinal cord and my tail bone.
Couldn’t get around without it if you attempted to push me..you’ll be dead wrong.
Because I had it

Somewhere while traveling along the yellow break the road
Just eazing on down it.
Eaze on down
But where am I going though this time I am clueless,
Its as if I popped right out of the vaginal fluids ..All over again
Is the cord around her throat? - doctors whisper
Mom screaming
Her blood is higher than the room’s temper- doctors whisper
Somethings not right
It's as if I lost control of my life
Love?
I cannot accomplish without
Success of my own life.

K.O I had it before I swear I did
One two combination then a Jap to the Chin
-Ding
-Ding
-Ding
We have a winner!

K.O i had it I swear I did
But in between loving you
I somehow lost it


-My Mind

America’s Opinion On Censoring Art

America’s Opinion On Censoring Art

If I were to speak about my definition of art, I’d probably end up talking someone’s ear off; because I believe that art is everything around you, and your overall perspective of life . Art is basically, how you look at things , and adapt to your surroundings. Picture this; this when the whole world is at war, and there’s chaos everywhere, with building burning, screaming children, and people drying over here, and over there, out of nowhere, there’s a beautiful flower that’s bursting with different colors, standing strong in a pile of dirt, outshining all of the commotion and violence. It’s so beautiful that people can’t run past it. They have to stop to look at it ; which causes them to either think of a thought, or to wonder about something.

So, in my opinion , art is what makes you stop and think, “ Wow, there is hope.” or, “ There is more to life.” Whether it is a positive or a negative thought provoked, the bottom line is that someone’s thoughts and feeling were so strong. That , like veins are connected to delivering blood, their art was connected to delivering a message to you .
I have a lot of artists who I truly admire in all different categories. For example ; actors such as Denzel Washington , The Wayne Brothers , and Angela Basset. I also admire movie directors : Steven Spielberg, August Wilson, and Spike Lee and musicians such as : Kanye West, Common , and James Brown, and other artists such as Picasso, Maya Angelou, and Langston Hughes who in the past have blessed us with their strong words and wonderful paintings.
However, I am now deeply in love with Hip -Hop artist, Lupe Fiasco’s artistic skills and his way of expressing himself. He’s a young African American Hip-Hop artist who is originally from the Westside of Chicago, and he was titled best new artist by the “ Rolling Stones” magazine. What makes him stand out to me would be the fact that he’s different from the rest of the “commercial type“ Hip-Hop artists.
In this year of 2007, I heard the phrase “ Hip-Hop is dead” , almost more than I’ve heard my name being shouted by my mother. And trust me, she yells a lot. To be honest with you, I disagree with the media blaming Hip-Hop for the loss of black culture and the negativity of black people. Seems as though lately when there’s a problem with African-Americans in society, or when there’s violence in a rough part of America, somehow, some way , Hip-Hop or Rap music always seems to be at the root of the problem. But keep in mind that Hip- Hop which is a style of popular music composed of a rhythmic, rhyming vocal style called rapping , a cultural movement that began in New York City in the 1970s, and was practiced mainly by African-Americans and Latinos# . In other words, it is a way of expressing freedom of speech for those cultures this means that it does in fact qualify as Art , if art is a way of expressing yourself .
On the other hand, even though I wasn’t born during the early days of music, I have noticed a dramatic change and it’s not a good sign for African-American people . During the earlier days music was a way for the oppressed group of African American people to speak out and for them to encourage each other but now with the new generation of Hip-Hop, music it’s the total opposite and it’s more like blacks are degrading themselves and setting a bad example for the future generation to come. Hip-Hop artists are not the best role models for the people of today’s world, which is too bad ; because Hip-Hop is listened to by a lot of younger kids and kids tend to look up to their role models. If they are listening to Hip-Hop 85.9% of the day, whatever knowledge their brains suck in , is that same action that they’re going to take when it comes to adding their value to the world.
Which brings me back to , Chicago Native, Lupe Fiasco whose current new his is a song entitled, “Dumb it Down”, where he pokes fun of “commercial Hip-Hop”.

You goin’ over niggas’ heads Lu ( Dumb it down)
They telling’ me that they don’t fell you (Dumb it down )
We ain’t graduate from school nigga ( Dumb it down)
Them big words ain’t cool nigga ( Dumb it down)
Yeah I heard Mean and Vicious nigga (Dumb it down)
Make a song for the bitches nigga ( Dumb it down)
We don’t care about the weather nigga ( Dumb it down)
You’ll sell more records if you (Dumb it down)

Lupe’s lyrics for Dumb it Down are going against most artists’ lyrics of the hip-hop world. Most tend to show a great usage of the word “nigger”, which I personally thinks is part of the reason the word continues to be passed down through black generations. His lyrics also poke fun of sexism. In the Hip-Hop world females are disrespected, not appreciated, and are repeatedly called “ bitches and sluts”, and many more degrading names. The words that stick out through the chorus is the last sentence, “You’ll sell more records if you , dumb it down”. This phrase, to me, implies that maybe, today’s artists might actually want to show their artistic side. But what if your artistic side doesn’t get you any recognition or any money? That would leave you no choice but to refrain form showing your true self. Maybe now days the freedom of speech and expression is short-handed because artists live in fear that if they do something, that will offend or overstep the boundaries of America’s ways, they’ll get nothing in return but an ad or two in newspapers , downing their work.
Is it possible that artists are afraid to show their art and go beyond their limits in fear of censorship which is a prevention by the government or religious authorities that eliminate any information that they believe threatens their position and negative comebacks#? In that case, maybe freedom isn’t so free after all.
Lupe’s personality lately, in the words or the media, has been called a bit “jaded.” Some say that Lupe Fiasco’s early career started off flying to the top quickly . But as quickly as the young artist’s career shot off , people said , “ Everything that goes up, must come down .” This is the direction his career has been traveling in lately. Chicago rapper, 17 year old Mike City, states, “ When it comes to art and speaking the truth, no one really wants to hear it . I think it’s because everyone is afraid of it , so that’s why art is censored , or that’s why rappers like Lupe Fiasco, Common, and Mos Def don’t sell as much albums as they should. But their words are worth much more than what people think, and it’s a crying shame , but sooner or later , maybe the world will snap out of it. They’re hypnotized someone needs to snap their fingers so people can snap back to reality.” City adds that he hopes that one day his records will sell because people like being fed words of wisdom and not words that will inspire them to do negative things.
In order to speak about the fact of censoring art , you have to know what art is and the true meaning behind it . Even though I do consider myself to be gifted , young, and talented, I don’t see myself going anywhere with my work unless I take the time out to understand my audience first. I went out to ask some different people how they felt about art and about censoring it , and I got many different reactions and feelings.
There were some people who were offended by the questions and walked away, shouting ungodly words. Ands then there were some who ere amazed at the fact that people still cared about things like art, now days.
Most of the people I interviewed all felt like America is just a really over protective country and everything that’s displayed in an artistic way has to make the country look good if not then it draws negative attention , the country takes control and censors anything that sparks too much attention.
Out of all the reactions and definitions that I came across , one that really caused my brain to over process , came from 19 year-old Sheena Johnson, a girl who I interviewed at a local Coffee Shop. “Well, that’s a toughie,” she giggled, and said , “ because everyone has their own perceptions of art. But I personally think that life is art in itself.” I gave her a puzzled look, so she laughed, and asked, “Do you want me to continue?” I nodded, as my pen moved quickly, trying to keep up with her every word. “ life is art, intrinsically woven together in bits of pieces to form a master piece.”
Those were the last words she said to me, before she gave a smirk that made her red lipstick shimmer, and then raced out the door, speeding through the busy streets of downtown Chicago , chasing behind a crowded bus, yelling, “ Wait! Wait!”
So there it was the complete definition of art, coming from a person who just considers herself to be a regular person and shows little interest in the word at all. She was just “ simply living her life “, as she says.
We as Americans, and people in general , create stereotypes and guidelines that we think, “a normal person”, should follow. Why is that? Well, in my opinion it keeps us all, as human beings on track. My classmate Ryan felt otherwise , he states “The government creates the guidelines not, the people and they do so because they’re just overprotective of kids. The bottom line is that there are certain rules that you have to follow in society. So when an individual steps out of line to show their creative side or to make a difference in the world, it immediately attracts attention and draws people in. Sometimes, too much attention can be a bad thing. “ The government doesn’t want to draw to much attention, it wants to prove that it sill has some authority. So they censor certain art, to show that freedom is praised but limited,” says 18 year old, Deja Lee from the north side of Chicago.
Some would agree with Deja’s thoughts on censorship. Others like, Carolina Loyola-Garcia might not. The story of Carolina’s video display that she created for an art festival , in my opinion , was a rude awakening when it comes to the topic of censorship. Her story was featured in the Pittsburg City Paper#. She had created for an art festival, a spiritual video. The video was to be shown in the windows of a building facings towards 4th Ave in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania where the Three Rivers Art Festival was held.
However, when she took her friends to view her work , what she found instead was a total shock. She discovered that the TVs were boarded up. Without thinking , she took the boards off, only to find that it would be the exact same way the next day . The artist tells the Pittsburg paper, “It’s annoying that someone can decide for others what is proper and moral. There’s along tradition of nudity in art, but there is fear of sexuality in society today, and I think that it is a huge lack of understanding.” That is how one artist describes her feelings on censorship, as the society being scared of facing certain things, which causes them to have a total lack of understanding when it comes to the true meaning of art.
Svetlana Manchaca, the director of the Arts Program that’s also over the NCAC (National Coalition Against Censorship) program in Pittsburg writes a letter to , Elizabeth Reiss, the director of the “ Three River Art Festival”, that banded Carolina’s art piece stating how the censorship that took place was wrong and out of order. Svetlana states in the letter, “ Simple nudity is not sufficient grounds for excluding art work from a public exhibition, if it were, then Michelangelo’s David art would be off limits also.#”
I decided to take this article to the streets of Chicago , to see how some people interpret the story and their feelings of censorship. I ran into Shireen Barret, on her way to Everest College. She had decided to take a cigarette break outside. Her response to the story of censorship was; “ When ignorance still exists and blindness , the censorship of art will continue. It’s sad to say,” she pauses and takes a puff from her cigarette and then says, “ But it’s very , very true. Wake up America!”
Shireen is right, especially about the word, “blindness.” Carolina was just trying to get her message across. She was trying to show in her work, which was entitled, “ The Need To Wash The Self With Milk and Honey,” how many females spiritually felt that this practice would cleanse their souls and spirits by making their bodies healthy because with the pureness of nature’s nectar.
I believe that the connection and the respect of women was challenged greatly when the festival censored this art. It showed how society is quick to cover up women in the world . It also shows that they’re, perhaps, not concerned with women’s health issues, at all. This is another issue when it comes to art; men are portrayed more often more boldly, as if , perhaps, they’re more important in society than females.
In response to this art being censored, I feel like it’s just another case where the message wasn’t allowed to reach its audience. Because of that, another issue is added to the list in women lives today, in which their dignity and respect is torn away from them. Some people that I interviewed thought otherwise, and felt that some artists like Carolina take their art skills to another level and the Government has to censor their work because there’s a fine line between what’s art and what’s not .
Ed Harper a 40-year old, construction worker felt this way and had a lot to say about it. I managed to get a few words out of him, when he took a break from dealing with the red-line construction, he voiced his opinion loud and clear on censorship. “I believe that society likes taking the forbidden in. They feel like they are duping authorities’ forces. I mean, some artist out there play, around with that and takes their freedom too far. For example, if marijuana was to be legalized, the feeling of getting away with something would be gone, so in other words, censorship is there for the A-holes that get a kick out of challenging the law.”
My tutor at Columbia College, Bryant, says that he doesn’t think that’s the true reason behind censorship but rather, it’s almost the opposite of Ed’s opinion, which is that maybe, society takes half of our freedom and throws it up for grabs, and takes the other half and locks it away for keeps. “ I think religion is the issue here, because America has so many different cultures. We don’t want to offend anyone . And America doesn’t like to see itself mirrored in a negative way. At the same time, the fact is that America has a history of strictness, and history carries over into today.”
As I retrace my memory and think about the people who I surveyed, one thing that struck me was that it wasn’t a simple interview at all. When I’d finished asking all of the questions, the conversation would end with a statement like, “ That was difficult,” or “ That was a long survey.” I would laugh in response to that, but the truth was, it really wasn’t a long survey. Neither was it difficult. It was their answers that took up most of their time. This leads me to the question: Is art much more important to us than we actually think? Obviously, if it takes a lot out of us to talk about it, it must mean more to us than we realize?
As an artist, and as someone who considers art to be a very important part of my life, I think it is because of that fact that it’s pure entertainment, it reminds us of our history, and because, as human beings, we all react to things differently. Art helps us to react to life in many different ways.
In other words, we use art for entertainment and this keeps us stable in society. We don’t want to imagine life as all work and no play. I can’t even picture what type of hell hole this world would be, without art. Art reminds us, of who we are , and where we’ve been. Most artists base their work upon something big in history; which could be war, Election Day, or a big death that took a total on the world. In case we’ve forgotten, artists capture the picture of time and help us remember. Take the photo that photographer Eddie Adam took in the year 1933, in the streets of Siago during the Vietnamese War, of General, Loan shooting a Vietnamese prisoner#. This photo helped to change the world. The fact that we are different and that we take in knowledge in many different ways is a big reason why art is so important to our human culture. Some are visional learners and some are not.
The Chicago Cultural Center is a big example of how America’s history has a lot to do with what’s considered art and what’s not. It is a museum that survived the Chicago Great Fire and it’s also one of the most gorgeous pieces that the eye’s can witness.
I think that the fact that most of the building art sculptures, marble-like patterns on the walls, and stain glass ceilings were imported from different countries such as Rome , Greek , and other places around the world really made the Center a piece of art. If art in the American dictionary (even though there’s almost over ten different definitions which to me means that maybe the true definition are depends on who’s looking at it) is defined as the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance. This definition to me means that what makes the Chicago Culture Center a form of art is the fact that it is appealing and beautiful and I do disagree I think what makes it art is that it is a historical landmark and each sculpture , each painting, and almost every thing in the building carries with it a different style or a different culture the fact that another country sent their piece to America so that it would be displayed in this building means that , they were trying to get some point across and that’s incredible because years later the museum is still standing strong.
In America, we have to accept the fact that we all are different. Our individual backgrounds, affect the way we interpret things in life. Depending upon who you are, art can make your overall understanding of things in life easier or harder.
I admired the video entitled, “ When the Levee Breaks” by Slater Bradley. I sat and watched it many times in the Chicago Museum of Contemporary Art because it made it easier for me to understand someone’s culture and history that I was used too. It was a video of a young boy who was inspired by the heavy metal rock days. You could tell this from his overall style. He sported ripped jeans, worn out gym shoes, and a wild hair style which was and is still the style for rockers. In the video, the boy slams on a drum set that’s in the middle of a college football field with all of his might; and he outs his feelings into the music, which meant that he truly loved that piece. I was amazed at how much one artist can take from another one, because the bottom line , is whether or not we are all artists . We learn one thing from someone and then another from someone or somewhere else. And then, we take it and we build upon it adding our own self-knowledge and opinions.
The conclusion that I’ve drawn about art and censorship comes from different opinions around America and mine own. Art is a message from someone’s life ; someone who has experiences and memories that they want to share with the world , so that people can learn from them . A real artist who’s interested in making a difference takes chances and puts their art out to the world with this attitude, “ Hey, you can either have negative or positive thoughts!” At least, you’re thinking something.

Gay Reality: The Truth Behind Living the Life

Gay Reality: The Truth Behind Living the Life

Before defining what homosexuality means, perhaps you should know what it is not first. The American Psychological Association says, “Homosexuality is not a mental disorder so there’s no need to search for a cure.”
Throughout my life I’ve tried to get rid of my true identity by denying who I am. I am going to share my life’s trials and tribulations that come from being a homosexual, which simply means; to be attracted to the same sex. This is not normal in our society, men and women are “meant” for each other. But it doesn’t hurt to be different because the fact is as human beings we all come in different sizes, shapes, and colors but what connects us all as one is the fact that we all have a hard time every once in a while throughout life. We need to learn how to respect that. Instead of judging the outer core of the next person, take a second and realize that we all suffer and we all go through hard times. If we can respect that we can learn to respect each other.
I remember my youth, running back and forward to the bathroom to see if I had: gained a pound, grown an inch, grew some hair, but most importantly trying to see if I was the same person that I’d dread being each and everyday, and I always was.
It happened to me when I was an eight-year-old, I’d discovered their might be something different about me. It was in 3rd grade when I had my first kiss and I remember thinking to myself, “ this is nothing like the movies.” Of course not, because in movies there’s always a prince saving the princess and giving her a romantic kiss that sets fireworks off in the background and it’s just so beautiful, at least that’s what everybody says about men and women.
It was in the coat closet when a girl, who shall remain nameless in my book attacked me in the coat closet; it wasn’t a violent attack , not at all . It was similar to the movies when the man is in the bed with the woman and they’re rolling around with each other.
In this case we rolled right out of the coat closet and caught the whole class’s attention. I remember wanting to ball up and cry because I didn’t think it was wrong, I thought it was beautiful just like the prince and the princess but because of the way everyone else reacted I vowed never to draw so much attention again in my life .
At the age of eight, I joined a Baptist church on my own and signed up to be baptized weeks after that event. I had heard somewhere that I could burn for eternal life , in hell. I didn’t want to go to hell. Even at the age of eight from watching married family members , televisions, and cartoons I knew what I had done was wrong.
In high school, I wanted to be normal. I did my best to cover up who I truly was and I did a good job at that. If Wallace or Mike were the talk of week in the girl’s bathroom, I wanted to be able to talk about them too, so I did. I was the in-crowd and it felt good for a while because: I was the cheerleader, the popular girl, Wallace or Mike’s girlfriend, but I was a living lie.
My mom decided to switch me to a different high school and enrolled me at St. Scholastica Academy an all girl’s catholic school because she wanted me to have a better lifestyle. My first year there was my last year because Janelle Hampton, who at the time was my best friend and my biggest crush told me in the girl’s shower room :
“ Girl, I’m leaving this gay ass school, all the girl’s are gay,” She laughed and said pointing to an Asian girl with a mohawk that everyone knew was a real true lesbian, unlike me.
I can’t remember how the words, escaped my mouth or what made me say it but as I took off my gym uniform, I laughed along and said:
“I feel you, I can’t be around too many dykes either my skin starts to itch.” I said it loud enough for the Asian girl to hear and she looked at me and shook her head in shame. I wonder if she knew .
Sometimes I look back and wish I would’ve “came out of the closet” during my high school years perhaps, I would’ve had more fun growing up. I truly admire is 15-year-old Lawrence King from California; On February 15, 2008 King’s life was forced to come to an unexpected ending when he was gun down in his classroom by another student because of his sexual orientation. The 14-year-old attacker along with other classmates helped to harass King on a daily basis because he wore make-up and jewelry to school, and told the kids at school that he was gay. At such a young age, I think the most difficult time to come out and admit that you’re gay would be during grammar school or high school years. So I admire King because he had the guts to tell his classmates he was gay. He set an strong example for many young homosexuals who might be going through the same thing.
I was happy to find out that I wasn’t alone during my homosexual periods growing up ,turns out that about 37% of the gay males begin to experiment homosexual experience and sexual intercourse during puberty. It is not abnormal behavior scientists say that homosexuality at a young age can be considered as experimenting and beginning to understand your body during puberty. About 13% of young males actually have erotic feelings for other males but still come out heterosexual, either because “it was just a thought,” or because their suffering from what most homosexual go through with is the phrase that many are familiar with “being in the closet.”
For writer Joe Jervis, coming out was something he feared for his life . He went throughout his life hiding who he truly was, until his fear soon turned into shame and he had gotten disgusted with looking in the mirror at himself. No longer could he keep up his lie. In Fact, it was in college when his mom showed up at his apartment unexpectedly and instead of introducing her into his male friend he pushed the guy who happened not to have on any clothes at the time, outside on his patio. His mom stayed for a little while to catch up with him and his college life. After she left, Joe went to see if his boyfriend was still outside on the patio he was not, instead he had jumped from patio to patio which was stories high . Jervis not only put his boyfriend’s life in danger but he put his true self to side.
Similar to Jervis situation, I feared coming out also which is why I held my feelings for women deep down inside and instead dated lots of boys just to fit in the in crowd . Most of my relationships with males were terrible just as I predicted them to be . It wasn’t until just recently in college, when I first revealed to my mother what I had , had knowledge on for over ten years, the fact that I was gay.
“You’re abnormal.” She said.
I smiled and said, “ I know, but tell me mother, what is normal?” I then told her that if being normal meant me being unhappy for the rest of my life, I think I’ll pass.
Few years later from that and I can honestly say I am happy with myself, there’s nothing abnormal about me. Even though I sometimes get those weird stares, when I’m out with her at your local Red Lobsters. I forget that not only am I black but I’m a lesbian and that’s why I’m getting these harsh stares and people who laugh in our faces, because I am no longer hiding myself anymore.
Many gay people such as Jervis and I go through wonders and other adventurous things to hide their sexuality. One common practice that gay males tend to do in relationships and when accompanied by other gay males, is the usage of the feminine phrase “she” or “girl” to refer to the males in their life. This kind of conversation engagement is known as “Tea Time” or “Girl Talk”. One might ask why would a gay male refer to another male as a she or a girl? Well the reason is quite simple , considering the fact that gay males have to go through their lives hiding their sexuality this means from their families. They spend years pretending that the person they’re dating is a female so they use women names to avoid making their sexuality obvious. They continue to use the phrase just to use it because they’ve gotten so use to covering their lies up
However, On the other hand sometimes gays don’t cover themselves, other time society tries to make homosexuality out to be something that it’s not by creating myths or stereotypes. Most people when the image of lesbians appear in your thoughts you think that “one of you has to be the girl and the other has to be the boy”. In other words as a society we’re so used to the gender role, “the Barbie and the Ken image”, that even if it’s women together we still think that someone still has to be the male in the relationship.
Society demands this so much that 50% of the gays in America choose to take on a label in their relationships just to please society. The females that normally play the masculine role in relationships are known as labels such as : Studs, Butches, Bois, or Fagg bois. While the non-aggressive one of the relationship takes on the following labels: femme, Lipstick lesbian, High femme, or a Grrrl.
A lot of people want to follow in other’s footsteps, or make everyone proud of them. People spend so much of their time throughout their lives making sure everyone around them is comfortable or happy that they sometimes forget about their own happiness.
Which is why I disagree so strongly with lesbian labels as far as for the names that females are so often called the three main names are stud, fem , and versatile. A stud is a female that resembles a male often dresses as such, think as such, and talks as such. I disagree with this label that the gay community seem to not have a problem with because I don’t understand why a female who is gay and doesn’t like men would date a female that looks as such . A fem on the other hand is just your average female she loves being a woman dressing as such and acting as such. While a versatile lesbian is a female that dresses how she feels, she’s in touch with her stronger side but also doesn’t leave the softer side hanging. She too loves being a woman but acts like one whenever she wants too.
The gay community is a community that doesn’t have a strong understanding of itself, gay people discriminate against each other to the point where they sometimes make each other feel uncomfortable. This is why the labels have been invented to make people fit in and to help people feel comfortable. I don’t label myself because It reminds me of being a young girl again and trying so hard to fit in because I didn’t understand who I truly was. When you understand who you are as a person, why do you feel the need to have to define yourself for others?
One gay male speaks on the pressure of taking on labels in the gay community; “It’s like waking up out of a coma in intensive care only to go to another unit where the bed is better fit and the pain is more intense,” says Christopher Lee Nutter a New York Times journalist. He then suggests that the LGBT community needs to let go and define their truth selves because letting go is the only way to make room in your mind for something else.
Famous lesbian author Diana Cage suggests that many feel the need to take on a label in order to make society accept them. But in reality this just tends to confuse the gay culture even more, when more and more labels for gays are thrown out in the gay community, it starts to seem as if gay people are still closeting themselves.
“It’s perfectly ok to be aggressive and confident. It doesn’t make you a boy; it make makes you hot!” Cage says this to encourage gay women who feel the need to take on a masculine role in society in order to fit in or get notice because many feel invisible.
As a lesbian , I choose not to be labeled because I feel that if I like women then I’m gay and that’s the bottom line I shouldn’t have to label myself so that it makes more sense to society or the rest of the world. I don’t care about making others feel comfortable with my life because I am the only one that’s living it.
I have to explain to the fems that I normally date (fems are the females that are extremely feminine) that I am not a stud nor am I any other label out there before they enter a relationship with me. Many of my exs laughed and labeled me anyways calling me “versatile” or an “aggressive fem” which is just a female with boyish ways. I’ve never come across a gay female that understood the fact that I don’t label myself as a lesbian until recently.
When I first mat my girlfriend I did the usual thing that I do when I’m interested in a female, I explained to her that I don’t label myself .
“That’s good because I was just going to call you, Angie anyway.” She laughed and said.
I truly love her for understanding that and me. I don’t have a lot of gay friends that are females because they usually accuse me of thinking I’m superior to them by not claiming a label, it hurts me because not only is it hard for me to fit in with the society outside of the gay community but it’s also hard for me to be accepted by my own gay community.
I just think with all of the negativity that the gay community receives from the rest of the world that everyone would be at least accepting with each other but it isn’t like that at all. There’s a lot of hatred and confusion going on inside of the community. If we don’t stand strong as a whole how do we expect anyone outside of the community to respect us? The reason why I think that there’s so much hatred inside of the community is because deep down majority of gays still fear being rejected by society so they take it out on their own kind, especially if their own kind have no problem accepting who they truly are.
We tend not to understand things because deep down inside we fear what we aren’t use to, Dorothy Thompson a famous American journalist states,“ fear grows in the darkness; If you think there’s a bogeyman around turn on the light.” This statement is one that suits society and the gay community we need to learn more about each other. In other words if there’s something in life that you fear the best way to get rid of that fear is to find out about it , so look and see for yourself what’s it really about .
In reality Homosexuals are just the same as any regular human being out there. We do, (you know us lesbians and other gay beings) celebrate the corny hallmark holiday known as Valentines Day, just like a huge percentage of America would with their boyfriend or girlfriend. We do shop together, go out to eat together, cry tears at night, bleed from a bad cut, mourn over a lost one, argue with each other, break-up and make-up, and we do live. We all are the same if only people get to know each other and what’s underneath we will realize how similar everyone actually is.
My question for the people that laugh, shake their heads at us, and give us disgusting looks; Why does seeing someone else happy cause you to react in a negative way? Ask yourself how happy are you with your life while you’re so busy worrying about someone else’s happiness, have you found yours?

Daughters - John Mayer

Listen

Society if you listening … listen to this



As I write I think about those, basically people out there on the streets
And I wonder how it feels to be defeat , falling of your feet , on to the
Cold concrete.

What is love ?

Isn’t everybody loved ? And if so why do some people look as though
No one ever cared ? Or maybe for them no one was ever there .

Why is it easy for me to write and expressed ? But why when I write do
I feel depressed? Why do I close myself up into a room in which I’m all
Alone ? Not at all am I alert to the surroundings of my home .

Please lets not talk about race because if its an equal society , How come
Some win , some succeed leaving behind others falling upon their knees ?
How come I don’t give a damn about shit ? The ones I love somehow to
Me still don’t exist .

Someone tell me what are the hardships to living . You get rich while trying
To continue living . I say try because shit… its hard .

Most places you got to pray just to go to the store up to God.

Define NIGGA for me somebody please , how the hell are we , better yet have
We become so ignorant in which to the point we’re just fucking dumb ?
Everybody’s caught up in the mist of rocking the same shit and we all sing the same
Song: MONKEY SEE MONKEY TO THE MOTHERFUCKING DO!!! Everything
We see we attempt to do .

Why do people do crack? Well its so damn hard to get by we need some shit to release
The stress. Its so easy to shoot it in our veins , racing to our heart, pumping adrenaline through
Our chest.

Fuck the world

“I’m about getting money”, one brother say . And he don’t mind killing anyone who gets in his way.

My mother is a nurse my dad was a doctor , hell my fam must be rich ! Nah!!! Fuck that we ain’t got shitAnd I write this poem for the people out on the struggle to fatten their pockets , for the people so afraid they
Keep a gun on their locks, in their trunks , for the sisters with the big humps , and for those who don’t have shit instead they hold on to one wish . For the sons playing ball in the back yards by themselves because Bitch ass daddy was never there . For the crack babies ashamed of their mothers . Its not moms fault its just the fact society and life is a bitch and if you don’t live then you better sure as hell

Die rich .

African American Psychic Trauma

African American Psychic Trauma



Psychic Trauma is suffered by a great amount of cultures in America but is mostly suffered by the African-American culture, regardless of sex, occupation, or religion there are very few blacks that manages to escape the trauma. Especially, if everyday of your life you’re either reminded where you stand as a race in America or the trauma is reinforce continually in a strong matter.
If the first art(referring to Ogun’s first actor passage) practiced in an entertainment environment was in fact tragic art, is it possible that almost every form of black art has a tragically cry-out or reflects some type of rebellious route. For example: Public Enemy’s, Fight the Power, Michael Jackson’s Heal the world, Jay-z’s Hard Knock Life? These are all examples of Hip-Hop music that speaks out for the black culture. A piece that stands out to me the most would have to be rapper Shyne Po’s: Dear America Introduction on his first album, where he displays a perfect example of Psychic Trauma.

Dear America,
I'm only what you made me, young, black, and fuckin' crazy
Please save me
I'm dying' inside, can't you see it in my eyes?
I'm hopeless, and fearless on the outside, gun on my side
Shit, Maybe if yall niggas build schools instead of prison,
maybe I'll stop livin' the way I'm living', probably not.
I'm so used to serving' rocks and burning' blocks, I ain't never gonna stop.
Been doin' this shit all my life, I'm a lost cause,
And what about the rest? Don't them suckers deserve a chance? Something'
better then shoot-outs, liquor stores and food stamps? Maybe if y'all teach
them niggas a craft an' a trade, they wouldn't have to play that corner, know what I mean?
Servin' that yay America, you got a fuckin' problem, an I ain't never goin' away
There's about 20 million other mutha fuckers just like me,
preparations is through, y'all gonna pay

Shyne Po speaks out in his lyrics telling America basically, that the reason for a lot of down faults in the black culture is simply, because America isn’t focusing hard enough on black people. According to Sultan A. Latif, author of a book entitled Slavery’s Psychic Trauma, entertainment and art is the only way to expressed what has been held in for years. “To take a group of people and kidnapped them, forced them to take on a another culture means that you have completely erased their identity,” states Latif.
Shyne is not only expressing the trauma that he has endured while being a black man in America but he’s showing what W.E.B. Dubois, calls double-consciousness which is the sense of being African and American at the same time , “ two-ideas in one dark body”, but the question is whether or not it’s possible?
Music is the best way for African- Americans to expressed their Physic Trauma according to artist Augustus Wilson , Blood memory is considered music for African American people, which means that music and entertainment is their way of passing down oral tradition. However, with another group oral tradition might be considered using language. This was not possible for Africans who were enslaved because many were separated from their original tribes and thrown on a ship with different ones, and communication wasn’t tolerated. Which means that language , was erased.
The Post-Colonial Passage states, “ To speak , another language meant to take on another world .” When Africans were brought to America and years later , blacks were considered to be “ more human if they could mastered the French language .” This relates back to Paul Laurence’s “ We Wear the Mask” statement, because once blacks mastered the language the closer they got to being considered no longer a negro but an actual human being.
Is it possible , that perhaps in today’s black entertainment world most artist have being wearing the mask , so long that they’ve actually forgotten their roots. Paul Laurence states that black people wear the mask to survive in society. Are we traumatized, to the point that we’re actually scared to step outside of the society’s line because we believe our lives will be challenged?
The statement “ The past is the ancestors’, the present belongs to the living , and the future to the unborn.” Indicates that right now in time , our generations should always receive something handed down from those before us, and throughout history that something has always involved something connected to art. However, the present continues to take in mostly Music and music lately has been under a great amount of attack. If we want to past down something to our generation that would better them today, the question is what would it be?
If the answer is music, I disagree because the simple fact is that if artists such as Jay-z, Ja-Rule, Kanye West, and Shyne Po are dealing with Psychic Trauma and double consciences than that reflects in their work. Which means not only do they not know whether or not being African and American at the same time is possible but our generation to come has to deal with the fact that there’s no answer .
In order for us to learn who we are today, we have to go back into yesterday, in other words referring back to rappers such as Shyne Po , it is almost impossible for leaders as such, to lead the present generations and the future because one must come in terms with their self-perceptions and get in touch with your African heritage, otherwise it is impossible for a culture to stay strong in build back up if the leaders continues to display their trauma . Right now, music is a big thing to the black culture and allows us to freely express ourselves, but let’s make it sure it is not what’s killing our culture.

Food isnt the way to the soul

Growing up , food used to be considered , what Grandma would always say: “ the key to someone’s soul” and then my auntie Toni would throw in with a hysterical laugh , “and if you want to keep a man you have to learn , to cook.” I remember when I was younger thinking how funny that was coming from her because my uncle ( her husband) always cooks for her.
One thing that Grandma and Aunt Toni had in common was that , they both were aware that food had a lot to do with our family culture . Even if you couldn’t make it to the family’s gatherings and you ended up having to call Grandma and tell her response was always the same , “You better bring a plate or send a plate!” she’ll scream through the telephone .
As I retrace my thoughts growing up at every family gathering, I remember my Grandma’s table being filled with all types of food partially because my family was filled with so many different ethnicities from Nigerians, Jamaicans, and Haitians. We had and still do have a lot of different backgrounds in my family. Sometimes the table would overcrowd, so my Uncle Carlos would say, to the kids running in and out, “Move out the way babe!” so that he could push a second table over.
Around the table would sit the following: My Grandma ( mother’s mother),Grandma Bee(grandma‘s mother), my aunts, my mom and some of their friends. The Kitchen was called,
“The Grown folks Area,” this meaning no younger kids allowed. You had to have experienced nearly as much as they had throughout their lives, to be considered to be grown . You had to have your own apartment, pay your own bills, have a wedding ring on your finger , and you have to had carried a child for at least 9 months .
Sometimes, my cousin and I would sneak in and crawl under the tables trying our best to eavesdrop on their conversations. Most of the time the conversations was either about someone famous, mostly Oprah or of course Denzel Washington or about someone in the family that wasn’t doing so well. I remember hearing, them talk about my oldest sister La’tasha because she was pregnant and everyone was curious as to how she planned on succeeding in school , with a baby on the way.
It wasn’t soon before my Grandma Bee, would kick my cousin and me while we were under the table and threaten to beat us with a belt or a whip . We would crawl out laughing but running for our lives.
Grandma Bae’may, wouldn’t let anyone eat until she was sure that at least everyone was there. Sometimes the house would be overcrowded with nearly thirty people or more, who probably just wanted to get their plate and get the hell out of my Grandma’s apartment. But Grandma would sit and guard the food and she’ll just say, “Ain’t nobody eating till’ my baby gets here!” She referred to everyone in the family as her baby so we never knew specifically who we were waiting on.
One night everyone waited until midnight to eat what had been cooked for nearly over eight hours. My Uncle grabbed a plate and headed for the cornbread, Grandma Bae’may dashed out in front of him like a jack rabbit and threw her arm in front of the cornbread.
Everyone looked up just scared to imagine what was next. Maybe Grandma would tell my uncle to go outside and grab a whip like she told me and my cousins , even though he was in his late thirties.
My uncle looked dumbfounded , as he stared at the cornbread that smelled of fresh wheat and said , “ Ma , I am starving , would you please? …”
Grandma looked at him and said, “ No one eats until my baby gets here!”
“ Who, are we waiting for, everyone’s here!” yelled Uncle Bruno looking around the room.
A little bit after his bold statement to grandma , the doorbell ranged and Uncle Bush all the way from Atlanta walked in, no one had seen him and years sense he had went to jail back home in Mississippi.
Grandma moved away from the cornbread and gave a smirk and whispered, “Now everyone can eat.”
Everyone rushed for the tables that looked like something from a harvest feast with; Greens, Alligator , Catfish, Lobster, All sorts of Gumbo, Coconut Shrimp, Sweet Potato Pie, Chitlings, Black Eye Peas, Peach Cobbler, Jell-O , and anything else you could imagine.
I loved it , I loved every moment of my life as a child because it was all about family, now that I’m older sadly to say it’s as if I don’t have much family left . Times have changed and so have the people , so I am thankful that I did have those family gatherings. It was at the family gatherings I learned what the history books didn’t teach me about my background , there’s no better way to learn who you are and where you’ve come from then to hear it from the people who actually brought you here in the first place. I learned what Martin Luther King was like as a person from my grandma, I learned about the great migration , and I learned about my Nigerian side and that I actually have cousins that’s trying their hardest to come to America to see me.
Did you hear that? To see me.
As I grew older , I started to learn more about death and accepting it because it seems if the more family members “passed on”, the less we saw of those good ole family gatherings which means the less we saw of each other. Which I always felt, should’ve been the other way around , the fact that we were loosing a lot of loves ones should’ve brought us closer together but we begin to drift apart. Suddenly I miss my Uncle’s voice, the old school music blasting in the backyard : Marvin Gaye, Al Green, The Temptations, The Supremes, and sometimes even Tupac Shakur, it depends on how Grandma Bae’may was feeling though.
The thing is I don’t think Grandma and Auntie Toni knew how much the food really mat to the family. It was way more than the key to someone’s soul and definitely not the way to keep a man but it was “us”, our food defined us and who we were, when we lost the family gatherings, we lost ourselves . Sometimes when I stop and remember Grandma’s voice and how much it mat to her that we all ate together, something tells me that deep down inside she had already knew that. Food isn’t the way to the soul, family is.

Soulmate

You created a dimension another world, and I grabbed a hold and escaped into your arms.
My Future was clear I needed no fucking alley street-way crack addict to read my palm.
I was yours.
We belonged together like Bonnie & Clyde
Sonny & Cher-
I took you in like an ectasy pill . Laid back and watched the ceiling fan take me there.
Fuck a pill
Fuck a Drug this is Love.
My vein yearns for your entry , opening legs letting you catch a quick sniff of freshly picked Pu-Nanny
Now come to me .
I said come to me ,
Make love to me slowly touch me in a way that no men could have ever accomplished teach my body with your knowledge. Open me up and seal me give my blood the delivery.

You're accompanied by a cheap-ass two for ninety-nine downtown on Chicago ave coach belt .
He watches your back squeezes tighter when you don't know how to act
Tighter
And tighter
And suddenly he releases the fire shoots with thin me
Straight down my vein and seaps into my soul
much more
Pleasure than an orgasm or even more.
So I am told ...

That you will kill me one day
I think motherfuckers have us twisted
We're Bonnie and Clyde to hold nother' dimension
You will never leave me on this fucked up planet alone
People think you're my grand reaper but they're all wrong.

We're soul mates and if I shall just so happen to be found
Assed out half ass naked by the damn folks in the white suits
Just know that I did it all
With and For you.



Soulmate.

All love ain't good love

So you lead me here... and yes I've been here before
I'm quite familiar with the imagery the scent and more
Smells like heaven or Starbucks on a cold night ... a second
Before the sign reverses from open to close
You Slide in as I proceed to exit
And tell the manager .
Wait
And we exchange eye contact seemed like you might have had a tough day
probably smoked a whole pack
and need way more than that
or that
or a Latte

I've been here before smells like Heaven
Smells like love about ready to escape
Smells like my heart about ready to escalate
I've been here before seems like the earth slowed down on it's axis
And your eyes read through my mind
Just as well as My soul burned through yours

Girl don't you know smoking is bad for you>

She smelled of perfume and cigarettes
Not a bad thing but I can tell she's stressed

Let's escaped

Lord Knows I need that.

Lets exchange numbers

Nah' I don't have time for that ...she's stressed

Smells like Heaven

I'm aroused in need for much more then a telephone number or eye contact in the cold breeze of a winter night. Much more than Latte, cigarettes, video games, sex ,

A natural High prehaps. that lifts me up off solid grounds negativity below my feet all eyes mesmerized by me

She's flying

This time it's not from weed but the pleasure that I've discovered within myself.
The happiness in the pit of my soul somewhere in a deep down south ditch that
I gave up searching for .

has instead discovered me



Smells like Love.

And we exchange eye contact seemed like you might have had a tough day
probably smoked a whole pack
and need way more than that
or that

I've been here before
Smells like heaven.
Smells like Love

They say

Who say?

They say ! all love isn't good love some love is just a test

Well shit I've must've flunked alot of grades because I feel as though I keep taking the same damn test

Damn preschool- college-Adult hood

What's up with that

I tell myself I don't have time and I don't have the patience
To continuously allow selfish individuals to enter into my life

I try to avoid meeting new people so even when I feel My starbucks lady
I try not to look her in the eye
because once again

I've been here before.
and it smells like heaven
smells like love
smells like numbers being exchanged
Sex and making love
Tears and tight hugs

And we exchange eye contact seemed like you might have had a tough day
probably smoked a whole pack
and need way more than that
or that

or that or that but all love ain't good love.


So she slides in
as the sign displays clearly "Close"
and Yells " Wait" as I proceed to walk out of the door
She makes eye contact
I make eye contact
and Went along my merrily way
I could feel her glance burning through my back as I crossed the street
And my brain went through flashes
Of what could be
But My Bus stopped at the corner of that same street
Never turned around
Hope she got her Latte because she seemed a bit stressed

Could've , Would've , Should've

But I have no regrets

Simple Life

I've came to some sort of conclusion . That something isn't right with the normal everyday life that I live.. perhaps it 's too typical and I'm too abnormal to claim ownership over it.


Simple daily routine
Drink a little fuck a little
Live a little laugh a little.
Who are you to judge me ? To shoot your glances at my soul like the sun burning through African Gold. Perhaps I am not happy because I live in a society in which what you need is never enough. You have to have the drop top Benz, with the unnecessary rims so that people can see their reflection when you drive by. Damn my brotha what happened to the simple life? And as if that wasn't enough instead of coming out sideways your car doors have to shoot out and then rotate up . Like Bird wings? Nigga what is you flying now? Trust me if God wanted you fly you'll be soaring instead of cruising down I-95 , people would be literally sleeping on cloud 9.