Confusion

Seldom once and a while, I tell people I tell those
Who are willing to listen ,"You know I'm not much of a smoker"
I go to parties and mingle and tell those who can see me or feel me
"I'm not big on drinking"
There are those who are absent in presence but present with thinking.

I keep thinking someway somehow you're going to come through
Look at me in the eyes for once and sincerely say "I love You"
I'm confused didn't sleep well last night now I'm wondering am I
Putting up a pointless triumphant fight.

It gets pretty cold in Chicago during September but when your
Heart is set ablaze you care less about a temperature.
So I set in the olden wooden chair
Staring out into the dull moonlight.
Newports seem to cause a wonderful fascination but temporary does not
Decrease the devastation nor does it put a youngish soul like me to sleep.
Sitting on the back porch questioning someone
Who's probably already asleep
Not alone. Of course not. Foolish kings surround their selves with dozens of untrusting wives instead of that one strong Queen who during the down times
Backbones you on everything
Now I ask myself ... What do I have without you.
Can I walk away gracefully with my head held high
Smiling saying to myself " Damn I learned a lot from this guy"
Or do I stay knowing deep down inside
Its impossible for this man to feel the same way.
Drowning myself in heartaches and smuthering myself even deeper in pain.



Once in a while i tell those who are listening that "I'm no smoker"
Tell those who care much of my presence "I'm not big on drinking" either
But here I am 20 years-old befriended by a pack of Newports that I retrieve from the bottom of my old high school backpack . Rocking back and forwards inhaling cancerous vitamins while staring at the moon. I keep waiting for you to stare at my eyes and sincerely say I love you cant live without you... you know the normal shit that makes a person's heartbeat skip a beat.

But instead I sit here staring at the moon
Smoking this newport.
Hell who knows maybe I'll take a stroll in my night gown in visit Jack Daniels
"I'm not big on drinking"
There are those who are absent in presence but present with thinking.